Sorry to rain (fish) on your parade

Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it rains fish. What does this have to do with investment banking?

Nothing.

But don't tell that to the folks responsible a new radio ad for Nedbank Investment Banking. Somewhere along the line someone has not only managed to stretch a tenuous analogy too far, but they have managed to sell it to a gullible client, too.

Once again we see (hear?) an attempt at creativity-at-all-costs that completely misses the point and ends up confusing people. There are plenty of "rain" idioms in the English language suitable for bank clients..."saving for a rainy day" comes immediately to mind. But maybe that's not creative enough..."too obvious" I can hear you say. Perhaps. So, instead of coming up with yet another tortuous and inappropriate analogy, why not offer up a few convincing facts instead?

Hey! That would be original.

But what is it with these analogies? Someone else - a legal firm this time  - has been telling us how there are many similarities between itself a flamingo. They then go on to list precisely ... none. Haha. That ought to keep us guessing, eh? Except that nobody cares.

So, to save yourself a lot of trouble in trying to invent the next "analogy no-one has thought of yet" here are the three simple steps to creating powerful radio ads. Following these steps probably won't lead to creative awards, but as you're not going to win any with the kind of puerile drivel described above, you may, at least, attempt to make your next foray into radio a bit more profitable for your big-spending client.

Here are the guidelines for powerful radio advertising:

1. Identify your Prime Prospect early in the ad 
2. Make your Prime Prospect an offer only a complete idiot would refuse 
3. Make it easy to accept the offer.

And that, my dear friends, is that.

More drivel polluting the airwaves

I'm not sure why, but radio seems to be uppermost in my mind recently. Perhaps it's because I'm hearing so many ads, but so few voices.

It's not any one ad specifically, but a sort of genre, let's call it the "I'm a small business owner and I'm just like you..." style of advertising.

Sometimes the voices are supposed to be speaking "local", that is, pukka S'effricun, but they just don't crack it. We just know these are pro voices, and because we know, a bit of believability goes down the drain.

Fleet Steel springs to mind. Not only a naff script, but not great acting, either. Worse, today I heard one for Outsurance. This company was running some quite good testimonial ads recently. Clearly however they are battling to get business owners to extol their virtue as they've now reverted to carefully scripted and obviously acted spots.

The one I heard today revolves around a woman who owns a nail bar and whose greatest sense of achievement comes when she creates a perfect French nail. Outsurance then tell us that they are as passionate about insurance as you are about your business.

Poppycock.

Outsurance used to have a real point of difference but as they days go by they are beginning to sound like everyone else.

Their recent TV ad stretches credulity to breaking point as a family, depressed by the current state of the world (demonstrated by newspaper headlines on street poles) is suddenly cheered up by the sight of an Outsurance billboard advertising that one in every two Outsurance clients is happy with their insurance rates.

One in every two? That's only 50%. I don't know about you, but I don't find much to cheer about in that statistic. It doesn't say much about their premiums, that's for sure.

Instead of trying to foist dull advertising on us, Outsurance should be trying to come up with great, innovative products. Then great advertising would follow.

Nonsense from Nedbank

Another spot I heard today from Nedbank touts their business credit card. The bank claims that they really do understand your business needs and their card reflects this understanding. How? By giving you 55 days free credit.

In other words, it's the same as any other credit card. What's so special about that? Nothing. It's just more meaningless puffery.

If they really did understand business, especially small/medium business maybe they'd offer 90 or 120 days free credit. THAT would be something.