Saving Electricity...Really?

An ad currently running on radio urges us to explore ways to reduce our electricity consumption.

Nothing new there, except the voice in this one tells us that no electricity was used in the making of the ad - it was recorded on a cellphone.

No electricity, huh? Okay, so how was the cell phone recharged?

A CAR FOR DICKHEADS

According to a frequently flighted radio commercial here's where you should buy your next car:

Auto-al penis-rings BMW.

A very strange name for a business.

Didn't anyone listen to this commercial in the recording studio and ask if this is, indeed, the way the client wants to be known? Can't the client hear how stoopid this sounds?

Wouldn't it be better to say: "Auto Alpina BMW, Springs"? After all, most people would be more inclined to look for penis rings at their friendly neighbourhood sex shop. Why confuse 'em?

THERE ARE THOSE...

who write very dull, pretentious copy
There are those who think this is very creative
There are those who's ads are uninspired, unmotivating, uninvolving
There are those who decide we should hear this irritating "advertising" over and over again
There are those who waste huge amounts of money flighting this crap
There are those who could be using this money to give something worthwhile to their customers
There are those who earn enormous amounts of money flighting this crap
There are those who just don't get it.

More Pretentious Nonsense

The banks are at it again.

This time it's Standard Bank. Why, oh why, do they really think anyone will believe the things they say, or imply, about themselves.

Do we really think they operate in an environment of "free thinking"? Are they revolutionary visionaries who are enable global competitiveness?

Do we really, really believe that at the end of the day they sit down, maybe over a glass of Black Label, and ask themselves "What next?"

Yes, it's another interminably dull, droning Standard Bank corporate ad for their business banking arm...I think. I'm not sure about that because I can't recall staying awake long enough to see the end of the commercial.

And when, oh when, are copywriters going to learn that vague generalities are no substitute for hard-nosed specifics? I'm probably being unfair. In all likelihood the bank probably never supplied the creative team with any specifics. Did anyone think to ask?

Does this latest offering for Standard Bank make us believe they are inspired, motivated or involved (whatever all that means)?

I hate seeing so much money wasted on so little.

Power Crazy

Surely the worst-managed crisis in South Africa since the notorious "Info Scandal" of the 70s. Yep, that's the current electricity situation.

Though no fault of our own, Eskom is making us pay, and pay dearly, for their gross incompetence. But what really galls is their attempt to lay the blame at our door.

A few weeks back the electricity company began running ads extolling their valiant efforts at solving the problem. Buying in huge coal supplies (which should never have been allowed to run so low in the first place), commissioning new power stations (which should have been commissioned at least 10 years ago) are among the solutions they told us about in radio ads that polluted the airwaves only a little less than a coal-fired power station going full blast.

Of course, we're not as stupid as Eskom would like to believe and I doubt anyone was fooled by their pathetic attempt at damage control.

Now we are told that because we couldn't, collectively, reduce our electricity consumption by 10%, Eskom is left with no choice but to carry out its threat of enforced "load-shedding" (black-outs/power failures). And once again they are polluting the airwaves with their message, this time to induce a sense of guilt in you and me, their customers. The gist of the ad is "listen assholes, you didn't cut your electricity consumption so we'll do it for you. If you suffer blackouts it's your fault. Don't blame us."

Screw 'em. I won't feel guilty. I won't turn off my geyser. I won't switch off my lights. I'll leave my computer on all night. I won't do anything to help this arrogant government-controlled beurocracy haul itself out of the dung which it landed in with absolutely no help from me. They can take their fat, undeserved performance bonuses and shove 'em where it hurts.

I don't think Eskom realizes the damage this little crisis is doing South Africa.

Eskom sucks. Their radio ads suck just as much.

If this is the Apex, I'd hate to see the base.

Last night my "insider" connection attended the APEX awards, held at Emperor's Palace on the east Rand (methinks the Ekurhuleni municipality is fighting a losing battle to foist this ridiculous name on us).

According to my source, the food was fine, the entertainment was so-so, and the entries were dismal.

Of course the usual gang of idiots (I mean that in a loving kind of way) were all represented; Jupiter, Network, Ogilvy... (surprising by their absence, at least among the APEX recipients, was Hunt Lascaris , although I'm reliably informed they did have some people there).

Organized by the Association for Communication and Advertising (ACA), The APEX Awards are supposed to be about effective advertising. There are only three categories:

• Launch - Brands or services which are new, or have no significant history of advertising.
• Change - New campaigns from previously advertised brands, which resulted in significant short term effects on sales and/or behaviour.
• Sustain - Advertising campaigns which benefited a business by maintaining or strengthening a brand over a long period.

These definitions come direct from the ACA website ( ACA is the organisation that runs APEX).

As you'll quickly fathom out, these are pretty hazy criteria for judging the effectiveness of any advertising. Nothing here about increased sales - except the somewhat vague, weasel-worded "significant short term effects on sales and/or behavior" - or about anything else that really constitutes effective advertising. Perhaps it's escaped the attention of whoever laid out these criteria that a "significant short term effects on sales" could cut both ways. So if my ad actually causes a significant sales slump, would that make me eligible for and APEX?

Because no-one actually has to prove anything, the usual suspects collect the gongs and can now trumpet about how "effective" their creative ads are.

Let me be absolutely clear here; I don't say creative advertising doesn't work. What I do say is that if your efforts are focused on awards then they are not focused on sales. Advertising that is sales focused looks very different to advertising designed to impress awards judges.

No matter how much lip service is paid by the creative agencies whose names crop up with such regular monotony at the black tie, mutual back-slapping sessions, they really have no way of proving anything.

So, the APEX, who won what? My contact can't remember. What the heck, does it matter anyway?

Sorry, I don't believe in fairies.

The net is home to all sorts of strange people. People like "Fairy Child", who lives and breathes for art and poetry. Of course, like many creative people, she has her vices, too.

Cocaine?

No, speed. But not of the illicit narcotic variety. You see, Fairy Child is into fast cars, Formula One. Wow! That's a pretty evil vice. You can, according to the TV commercial, find Fairy (Faerie?) Child at Polka.co.za.

Clearly Polka is struggling to get people to sign up. How can we know this? Simple - this is the second or third ad style they've gone through in just a couple of years.

First off we had the vignettes of colourful local characters explaining to friends about their new Polka internet connections. They were hilarious. Everybody was talking about them. If they didn't win creative awards they should have. If they didn't sign up customers in droves, it's not surprising. Would anyone looking for an Internet connection really want to associated with these amusing societal misfits? Ah well, at least they made us smile.

Next up was a straight hard sell. Get a Polka connection from R79 per month and some goodies thrown in with it. Trouble is, R79 per month is hardly an earth-shattering offer. The competition easily match, or beat it. So maybe the customers stayed away.

Now we have Fairy Child. Unconvincing and pedestrian. We don't really care about her or her obviously bland existence. Still no reason to sign up.

Polka's real problem doesn't lie with the advertising (although it's not helping). They are a Johnny-come-lately in what is a highly competitive and, possibly, highly over-traded market. If they want customers to switch, they'd better offer some compelling reasons to do so.

Maybe Fairy Child could ask Mikey to set her up with a blog.